Lindsay Lohan has officially gone from jailbait to jail bound. Since I heard the news, all I've done is wonder, why am I the only person in the world who has yet to put Ms. Mean Girls in handcuffs?
Many of us have spent hours pondering the actress' mighty fall from glory. She captured our hearts with her freckled, impish performance in The Parent Trap, and tickled us pink with her endearing, but befuddled (and kinda bitchy) perpetrations in cinematic masterpieces such as Mean Girls, Freaky Friday, and, uh, those other ones.
Lindsay was the princess of Tinseltown and the Queen of America's collective heart. So what happened? How did we get here, Linds? Help us help you!
Drug possession, DUIs, and lesbianism--oh, my! The hard-partying starlet has somehow pulled off making court-ordered ankle bracelets and passing out on the sidewalk the new sexy. While we wait for her to rise from a pile of her own Marlboro Light cigarette ashes like an over sized handbag-clutching Phoenix, she continues to break our hearts, one infraction at a time. It's like watching a glacier, once so imposing and majestic, slowly fracture and fall bit by bit into the sea.
Lindsay is Hollywood's hottest Humpty Dumpty. Except skinny. And drunk. Here's hoping that a few months in the clink will put Humpty back together again. I'll be sure to do my part and send her brownies and a copy of A Long Walk to Freedom...
No comments:
Post a Comment